The Whole Truth. Part One.

Pregnant. Single. Depressed.

I guess these were the three words to describe me when I first found out I was pregnant. Not exactly what that portray in movies or TV shows or even that familiar Facebook status from your high school buddies. Sure, I was excited. Being a mom before I turned 30 was definitely a life goal I had wanted to achieve but not under these "circumstances."

My baby's father was my coworker. And we got along really well. I guess too well because the next thing you know we're going on weekend trips to the beach and, oh, conceiving a kid. Did I think he'd be my husband? Maybe once or twice -- but those times I had well over my limit of shots of Fireball at the local dive bar a block from my apartment. So no, I didn't foresee him being the person I'd have my fairy tale happily ever after with. When I broke the news to him that we were expecting we really did try to play happy couple, happy family. It lasted about a week until we realized it just wasn't happening.

Cue the depression. Cue realizing it was "too late" to turn back with the decision we had made to keep a kid. I kept reminding myself that I wasn't going to be the first single mom in the world but when every one of your friends is in perfect relationships and you halt your life to grow a kid in your uterus, shit just kind of sucks. I was starting a new job, having to move back home and crying every night. It wasn't fun. It was the opposite of the Pinterest baby board I spent months crafting prior to ever even having a little one squirming about inside. But I knew that my attitude had to change. Fast. I had to put my big girl panties on. Dude, you are going to be a freaking mom. Get your shit together now. So I did.

Next thing you know I'm seeing a therapist and learning what the hell FTM and DD and SO stand for so I could keep up on baby forums. I was scheduling appointments to get the Dracula-blood-sucking wench at Quest Diagnostics to stick my arm and take out as much blood as humanly possible. I'm doing research about being a first time mom, downloading every app under the sun (like seriously, do I need 5 apps right now to tell me my baby is the size of an Eggplant this week? Answer, no but I do anyway) and starting to worry about things like maternity leave, daycare, and what diaper brand I wanted my kid to poop in to.

Six months in I can tell you this has been hard and guess what? I know it's only going to be harder. My daughter will cry and I won't know why. She will have a "blowout" diaper that will make me gag. I won't shower for a week and see nothing wrong with it while on my maternity leave. And I'll struggle to understand how my single-mom salary is "too much" to get any sort of government funding. But I'm going to and will do it and I will get through it and it will be worth it. No matter how much you can try and prepare for a kid, no matter how happy the relationship, sometimes things just don't go "by the books."

I could have let those three words define the remainder of my pregnancy and I could have bashed my baby's father (though he actually is incredibly supportive) but instead I'm not going to let any sort of words define me or my future or how much I love my daughter. 

I'm going to get through this and be a stronger person. I hope you will enjoy following along in my journey as I look forward to sharing it with you all.

Positive. Pregnant & Happily Yours,

To Selfie or Not To Selfie.

Okay. Right off the bat I am going to tell you - I take selfies. For the 99 attempts I try at taking a selfie, only 1 ever looks cute enough to consider posting on Instagram and after "trying on" all 9 different filters I usually give up and decide it was a waste of 30 minutes. I'm assuming that shit doesn't fly when you've got a crying, screaming (beautiful!) little babe on your hands. It's safe to say I will find out soon! But that being said I went through an internal struggle trying to decide if it was appropriate to share selfies of my little bump or pass.

Just like regular non-childbearing folks, we preggos face our own set of insecurities. Oh that beard of zits? My growing child gave me those after making me crave the pound of Sour Patch Kids I devoured in twentysevenandahalf minutes. Though I haven't been graced with any stretch marks (yet) my weird skin flap where my innie belly button used to be and that cute little brown line right down the center of my belly is enough to make me not want to embrace all that. But I also want to show it off, too. Again, just like normal people, us popping ladies struggle.

So here's 3 personal tips to posting your selfies.

1) If you really need some validation but you're feeling a little apprehensive, create a list of a few friends you email/text them to. I'm pretty sure my top 10 are like "Enough!!!" but I will send them anyway because I straightened my hair and want them all to see. And while they're looking at my straight hair they can also strategically notice the placement of my left hand right underneath my boobs/on top of my bump. *Attention!* Look at my cuteness * That is all *

2) If you think you'll end up in a top list on Buzzfeed because you're posting something questionable, don't. Just don't. Save us the embarrassment for you... and for your child. You know, the one that will so luckily be blessed with being born into a Google-driven world and can bring that picture up years from now. Save yourself (for your teenage child's sake). Need I say more with THIS photo montage? Yikes.

3) Ultimately if you are comfortable putting it out there for your 300 closest social media friends, go right ahead. Rock that selfie, girlfriend. If you're not, share them privately! My baby's father is like, the most (annoyingly) private person you will meet and wants Madilynn all to himself. I, on the other hand, am like "OMG look how big I'm getting and tell me I'm cute right now dangit!" Happy medium? Tweekaboo. Um, if you are app-saavy, download this one now. You'll love it. You can track your monthly milestones without driving people up a wall and still respecting your space.

I intentionally did not post a selfie in this post against all desire to do so. You'll just have to add my on Instagram to see that, I s'pose! 

Someone Who Will Never Use the Kelvin Filter,

Meet the Mom.

Hi all,

I'm the mom behind this blog. You can call me mom if you're into the freaky stuff, but most people just call me Kaela. Or K (I think this is sometimes because people forget how to spell my name and don't want to offend me with a "y" instead of an "e")

Anyway. I am pregnant with a baby that was totally unplanned by my former (very good-looking, irresistibly charming) co-worker whom I am no longer "dating" but figuring out what "co-parenting" is and will be with him. We're having a girl. We decided on a name the minute we found out. Like literally, that minute. If she were a boy, it would have been Dad's pick. Girl was mine. We will tell Madilynn all about how wonderful her mom was for naming her something so pretty when she's like 5 and feels like bragging about how cool I am to her friends. That happens, right? No? Ok, great!

I am in my mid-20s, which is behind the curveball on baby-making. I only know of a lot of people much younger than me squirting out kids. Most of the people older are on their like.. 3rd or 4th. Kudos. I want to have more kids after Madilynn one day, too. But that may change if my doctor keeps informing me about the possibilities of what could happen during labor. I know they have to tell me but really, it took me this long to come to terms with shitting myself -- let's not push it with the tearing saga. #ICant

I work in marketing and social media consumes my life so if you want to see pictures of my baby bump or read quick 140 character blurbs about preggo life, I'm an open book. I'll tell you all about it and maybe even sometimes too much about it. I also like my cat. My former boss says that he bets me $1000 once Maddy's born, I won't take pictures of my dear cat, Zombie. I am waiting to receive that $1000 at my baby shower. Just kidding. Kind of.

Anyway, I look forward to sharing this journey with anyone who will read it. Am I being like Snooki and talking about my baby bump? Sure, maybe. But at least it's going to be more realistic than that damn $15 First Time Mom's book I bought off eBay. I only read up to the second trimester and I'm approaching the third so if this all goes to shit -- well, you know why.

Dreaming of Wearing Pre-Pregnancy Clothes Again Soon,