Always Freaking Out.

I'm kind of terrified about breast feeding. Yes, I took a class. I got the free pump from my insurance company, got all the gizmo gadgets that attach to it - the bags and everything.

But I'm freaking it out. It's obviously going to feel different and what if she hates my boobs?

So the other morning when my cat decided to jump on me and wake me up after only 4 successful hours of sleep because he needed his Meow Mix wet food mixed in with the remainder of his dry food, I pushed him off. But seeing as how I raised this cat, he's relentless.

He jumped on me but this time on my already tender boobies and then dug his claws in. Yeah, take a moment to cringe because it hurt. Annoyed, I gave him his stupid wet food and crawled back into bed. Annnnd noticed blood coming through my [white] tank top.

So cue me running to the bathroom cleaning it and putting Neosporin all over my whole right boob, grabbing it and crying. Then I started googling "My cat scratched my nipple and I have to breast feed in four weeks." Guess how many results came back? Zero.

Silly story aside, there's a lot of pressure women have to breast feed. I met a woman in my class who was expecting her second but never took a class, was just told "it happens naturally." So if you don't know to basically stick your whole nip basically behind the roof of your kid's mouth you're going to run into like chaffed tots. Pass.

Sure I'm glad I took the class and I really did learn a lot but if I try and like try again even when I want to give up, I'm told it gets easier. That and not stressing about it. I've got 3 weeks to nurse my cat-scratched nipple back to health and hope to goodness gracious it can still deliver the product. Then I'm sure I won't stress about it. Ughhhhh!!

Boobies, Party of One.

When my insurance company told me they would front all but 10% of the bill for any of the baby classes I was looking to take, I thought - sign me up! First one on the list: Breastfeeding 101.

Right off the bat, I'm thinking there's no way I'm going to be mature enough for this. Sure, I have boobs (well, now I do anyway) but there was something so weird about sitting around after a 10 hour day at work and watching videos of women breast feeding. Was this even the right thing for me to do or did I want to do it because my mother and sister had?

The class had the option of bringing along a significant other. No way did I want to share this moment with Maddy's Daddy. But as the day got closer, I got a little nervous about showing up somewhere solo. Would people be judging me for being a single mom? I mean, would they know? 

But the day came and like most things related to becoming a parent, you have to put your child's needs first and just "man up." So I walked into the wrong building. Oops. And then trekked across the parking lot in the polar vortex unzipping my jacket halfway through my 1000 foot voyage because I was already sweating. Hormones… real cute. I showed up as one of the last to arrive and out of breath. Seriously, I feel like that's my "thing" during pregnancy.

I scanned the room. Clutch. Only parking available was in the front row. More scanning - everyone has their partner with them. Great. And wait… why did they all have dolls? No one mentioned anything about bringing a doll. I snuck over to my seat and got out my phone. "I'm the only one here alone" was the text I feverishly sent "Baby Dad" before the class began. Luckily one other couple was late so I had about 10 seconds to demand there be ice cream in the freezer before I got home around 9pm. Done.

I skimmed over the 15 sheets of handouts and the first thing I read was "Graze your nipple against your baby's nose" Stop it, right now, hospital. You're drunk. I started to chuckle. What the hell was I about to get myself into? Then the class started. Everyone seemed to ask a decent amount of questions and it wasn't too painfully awkward. And NO you don't all whip out the nip and show the other women in the room (you'd honestly be surprised how many of my friends asked me this!). The woman crying about banana sandwiches and how important breast feeding was to her I probably could have done without -- mostly because I lack self control when other people are overly emotional; myself not included. At the end of the class I was glad I went. I have some literature to catch up on, that's for sure. I do recommend that people go to these classes because it gives you the opportunity to figure out what works for you and what doesn't. No two pregnancies are alike.

That all being said, there was mint chocolate chip waiting for me in the freezer when I got home and a baby dad who asked questions I was able to answer. He seemed proud of me for paying attention & with the choice I will be making to attempt having my kid latch onto my boobies. Hashtag, educated.

Missing My Cute B-cup Bras,